Weird Dream

Morning, world!!! =) Brights and shines!!

Had a very very weird dream this morning.. In the dream, daddy bought me a fucking YELLOW myvi.. As in bright lemon yellow=.= What would he ever do that??? He knew I hate it as much as I hate =x And even worse is.. My sis won a red myvi in some stupid competition and daddy bought mum a black one=.= and my another cousin sister got a white one for her birthday.. So we were like cruising with the myvis=.= Sweat right? Cruising with myvis=.= What a stupid dream!!!!! Blame J for it xD He didn't wake me up T^T

Have to study later >.< Tomorrow exam dee..

Ps: Kakak maggi really salty >.< I'm going to get botak in no time..

Not good enough

Well.. J told me to be myself around him.. Or just be comfortable all the time.. Is not like I don't want to be myself.. Just that.. I always think that I'm not good enough.. Since young, I am compared with my awesome cousins and even my own sister.. Look! Who scored how many As.. Who won this.. Who won that.. Who got into what university.. And I hate it.. HATE HATE HATE!!! Don't misunderstand me.. I love my sister and my cousins.. They are great.. Just that I hate those adults (aunties and uncles) comparing us during festive or family gatherings.. What they intended to prove praising they own child like that.. What they wanted to achieve humiliating my parents like that.. I'm just not good enough for them.. Eventually.. A mask is what I wear in front of them.. To act like I'm happy for their child.. That I don't care a dame what they said.. And in front of my parents, I try to act like someone I am not to please them.. An ideal daughter.. A good student.. Teacher's golden gurl..

I'm tired.. I want to do what I want.. To be what I want to be.. To experience love and to explore more of my teenage life.. I have 6 months left.. Until I turn 20.. How long do I have to continues like this? To act as if I'm okay with all this.. To be what they want me to be.. Haven't I done enough?

I'm torn and worn out.. Do you know? Inside me.. It lays only a broken soul without wings..

I should be studying

Law Paper 2 on Tuesday.. I should be studying now.. But I have no mood at all.. I wonder what would daddy and mummy think if they learn that I'm not studying as I should be.. Disappointed?Bleh.. Not in the study mode now.. Maybe later..

I want my lunch.. Why are they not back yet.. I'm dying..

A new start

Deleted everything inside my old account that day.. Created by sy in 2008, when I looked back it was so foolish, full of my groans, moans and endless complaints.. To some, those are memories.. To me, they are just something that I should let go.. Long ago..

Somewhere over the rainbow huh.. Yeah.. It is a song I love and my dream.. Some day, somewhere over the rainbow, I really hope I could find that someone.. Someone which is special to me as I am to him.. Smiling at me, he would stretch out his hands and bring me to his world, to our world.. I don't mean fairyland or fantasy or those unrealistic things of course.. Just the normal live we lead but now there are two of us to face it instead of me alone.. I'm tired of being alone.. I'm sick of looking at those great guys out there slipping through my fingers every time I approach them..

Wait!!!! To the "special" guy, well I tell you, I'm going to whack and spank and punch you when I see you.. And ask, "Where have you been all these years?" Haha.. Poor guy.. But I don't care xD

Hmm.. Waiting for my friend to wake up.. We made a bet yesterday.. Hopefully he keeps his words la xD

I didn't cry last night.. Just.. Emo.. I hate the feeling.. Of losing.. Bye byes and ignores upset me.. A lot.. I wonder is it because of what he did last time.. Hmm.. That's the only reason I can find.. Well, enough of him.. This new blog ain't gonna be about him.. Not anymore.. Peace xD

Have to study today >.< Next paper on Tuesday.. Wish me luck anyone..